I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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