Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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