you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize