There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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