Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
