Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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