I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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