Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
