tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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