it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
