just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
