thus making me awesome and them whores
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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