is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
