The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
