I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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