There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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