WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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