I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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