just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
