i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
