he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
