I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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