WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i came on her dog
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
