Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
