grandma shit on top of the toilet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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