I cut my penus on the lid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
