Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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