My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
