Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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