Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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