Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
