Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I could make wine with my vomit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
