Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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