I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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