Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
