this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
