you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
