You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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