Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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