i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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