I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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