sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and she was petting her beer can
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
