I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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