You can't special order awesome
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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