He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
