THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
