I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
