Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
