so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
