i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
