see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
