The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
