She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
