Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
